All Is Well

All is well with the world, well my world anyhow.

Lily's appointment with the paeditrician went quite well.

It started with the usual weigh and measure, the midwife who did the weigh and measure was lovely. She also commented on how nice it was to see a mother and baby dressed nicely. I was probably a little over dressed however when I am nervous about something I find being dressed nicely helps me to feel more comfortable.

At 5 months and 5 days miss Lily is:

Weight~ 6.080kg

Length~ 62cm

HC~ 41cm

The paeditrician is happy with her weight and upon reading briefly through her notes and getting a brief overview of what we have gone through commended me on my determination and commitment to breastfeeding my baby.

He checked her joints which Lily is still not a fan of, mind you I can't say I would enjoy having my hips rotated like that either. He also checked her reflexes and was happy with her responses.

He also listened to her heart, he didn't mention anything about this so I think I can safely assume he was happy with what he heard.

By this time Lily had had enough so I was using one of her pram toys to occupy her, he wanted to see her hold it with both hands, which she can. But of course yesterday she only wanted to hold it with her right hand! We eventually got her to co-operate and grasp it with her left hand also.

He then gave her two little hand toys, he wanted her to hold them with each hand and then both hands, which wasn't an issue at all, until he wanted to take them off her, do you think she would un-clasp those little fingers from the toys?! No way!

When he was examining her on the bed he did comment that she still had quite a startle reflex, I told him that she usually doesn't startle at all.

I explained that if I was stripped off to nothing laid on a hard bed high in the air with some strange man I don't know pulling me about I would be fairly startled also! He agreed and said if I wasn't concerned about it he wasn't.

Through my short parenting journey this is one area I have come a long way with, confidence. I now trust that I know my baby better than anyone in the world. No-one has written a book about my baby, she is writing her own. And this book I know page by page.

I now feel much more confident in standing tall and saying, my baby is fine. I know her well enough to know if something was a miss, and she will certainly tell me.

I now listen to Lily far more than I listen to people telling me what I 'should' be doing. She is the best reflection of my decisions, if she is happy and healthy then so am I.

I am not saying that I am ignorant and don't listen to others, particulary the paeditrician. I guess I just mean now I am much more confident then I was.
I can take comments and advice on board and store it in my memory bank, no longer do I feel that I have to act upon every piece of advice.

The only thing that Lily isn't doing that the paed would like her to be doing is blowing raspberries. However I am not to surprised because I can't say that I blow raspberries at her.

One of the main things that the paeditrician has been worried about with Lily's history is brain damage. However her HC is growing nicely and at this age this is one of the best indicators of healthy brain growth. So there is little to no chance of any major brain damage.

We are also extremely hopeful that no brain damage has been sustained. However if I have any questions or concerns I can make an appointment anytime.

However if I am happy with Lily's progress we don't have to return until Lily is one. Yay! I really don't like that hospital!

My happy little lady today talking to the cat. In this photo you can see another of the paed's concern. Not real clear in the photo but you can slightly see how the front of her head on both sides is more prominent. Particulary on her left side. (right side of photo.)

This is the face Lily pulls when she is making her favourite Hmmmmm noise.

Little Girls Are So Much Fun!

I am sure little boys are too, but right now I am just loving every second with my sweet little princess.

Lily is just the happiest, smiling, giggling little baby anyone could ever wish for.

I am trying, unsuccesfully I might add, to locate the pause button just for a while. I just want to stand still in time and relish every second with this precious little girl, time is passing by far to quickly.

I would also like to find the skip button so that we can avoid Lily's appointment to the paeditrician tomorrow.

It was supposed to be last month but because we were in the middle of that horrendous heat wave I re-scheduled it to this month, and can you believe it is going to be 39 degrees tomorrow! I should have guessed that would happen.

The last appointment back in December was just horrible, they test Lily's reflexes, joints etc and judging by the screams she let out it is quite painful. It shattered my heart to stand back while the paed carried these procedures out.

When he passed Lily to me she looked up at me with the most heartbroken, confused look, it reduced me to tears.

The only way she could be consoled was to put her on the breast. That is another added bonus to breastfeeding, if ever Lily is in-consolable this always does the trick.

The reason that Lily has to keep having regular appointments with the paeditrician is for a range of reasons:

~ Her horrible birth and the fact that she was born not breathing.

~ As a result of above she had very poor apgars 1,2 and 6.

~ This indicates her brain was deprived of oxyen for some time.

~ Some complications such as Cystic Fibrosis does not become apparent right away, for this reason Lily has to continue to be closely monitored until about 18 months.

I am not overly concerned, Lily has shown no tendencies so far that have worried me about any developmental problems.

I just don't like going as it is not a pleasurable experience for Lily and I still suffer a lot of guilt for what Lily had to endure.

On a lighter note though Lily is blooming (pardon the pun) and on all accounts appears to be a happy, healthy, content little baby.

She is happily rolling all over the room, chatting away and generally being very cheeky.

I think I have an unhealthy addiction to my camera, here are some recent pics.

My baby girl on her 5 month B'Day
Each month I take a photo of Lily with her teddy to compare how she has grown, it is so funny the many faces of Lily, here is a few.

I am sure nobody else is remotely interested in all of Lily's expressions, but I can't get enough of any of them!

My Breastfeeding Journey Continued

So where was I.

Once we were discharged from hospital it was so lovely to finally be at home together finally as a family.

Upon leaving the hospital I think I have a very slight feeling of how prisoners feel when they are released. I did not feel at all like a part of the world that surrounded me. For 6 days I had been inside, not even able to see the world outside.
I was completely consumed by my little world inside the hospital I had no idea what was happening in the world outside those 4 walls. I hadn't seen any news, read a paper, nothing. I was oblivious to anything else that was happening.

I felt like I was skipping school or something when we drove out of that hospital carpark, it is a very surreal feeling that I have trouble putting into words.
I just did not feel a part of the world around me.

Anyhow, we went home on the Friday afternoon and it was so nice to shower in my shower and sleep in my bed, oh and to sit on a lounge, now that was bliss! No more hard hospital chairs. I think this aided my recovery very much, however now that I was home I was moving around a lot more and not just sitting next to Lily's crib in the SCN. This did make me quite sore.

Due to Lily being so small (born at 2965g) and the difficult first week to life we had a midwife visit us everyday for the first week.
She first came on the Sunday and was quite happy with how Lily presented, she had also put on 237 grams in two days which they were extremely happy with.

I was still feeding with the nipple shield and at the beginning of most feeds I would try to attach her directly to the breast, however Lily was just not able to.

On the Monday when the midwives returned Lily had not gained nor lost weight she was the same weight as the day before 2830g.

I think this is where the stress began. Lily was slightly jaundiced and by now only just over 38weeks gestation. She was a very sleepy baby and they wanted me to wake her for feeds.
I found this in itself stressful I would try to wake her, she wasn't interested in feeding, I would try cold flannels, tickling her, anything I could think of to rouse her interest. I would try this for over an hour and Lily still wouldn't have fed.
So there we were, an hour of disturbed sleep for Lily, and an hour closer to when she was supposed to be feeding again and we were no closer to her feeding.

It was then that the pressure to introduce formula began. The hospital wanted me to call in and collect a sachet of formula to feed to her as she would more than likely just feed from a bottle as it is much easier than feeding from the breast.
I was in tears, I really didn't want to do that. I asked them if I could feed her EBM instead, but they wanted her to have the formula as it had more fat in it.

It was then that I thought to myself she would put on weight as the formula has more fat, but it certainly isn't going to improve her long term health purely from the extra fat. I guess what I was trying to say to myself is that I really couldn't justify the formula when I could give her the EBM, what I thought would be best for her. It was then that I was naughty and gave her the EBM instead of formula.

When the midwife returned the next day Lily had lost 180 grams, this is a huge weight loss and then they spoke of re-admitting her to hospital and asked me to stop breastfeeding, I said excuse me? Forget it there is no way I am going to stop breastfeeding Lily, in terms of long term health that is what is best for her.

They were also concerned that she wasn't getting enough through the shield, however she was not strong enough to attach directly to the breast.
From then on every waking moment Lily had I was feeding her, either on the breast or EBM, I was constantly walking around the house expressing as much as I possilby could. I was exhausted from the stress, I wasn't sleeping or eating I was just so worried for Lily's wellbeing. I doubted myself, my body and also my abilities to continue to nourish Lily. I was so lucky to have the support of my Mum, who encouraged me to continue to breastfeed. However even at this point everyone could see how stressed I was and suggested that I 'just put her on the bottle' like it was nothing. To me it was everything.

The birth that Lily and I endured was horrendous, the stress and worry of having your baby whisked away and not be told anything was very stressful. I have always wanted to breastfeed and if that was taken away from me also I really think I would have been at breaking point.
The birth and that first week were nothing at all like I had always dreamt of and so I really didn't want to lose the one thing that I was working so hard at.

Thankfully the next day seen a 40gram weight gain, that brought us some time, oh the relief. I used to wake each morning with the stress of the midwives coming to weigh Lily, the threat looming of being re-admitted to hospital. I used to dread it. You know the feeling, when you hop on the scales you want to see the numbers going down, but now I wanted them to go up at an astonishing rate.

On the Thursday we had to go back to the hospital to see the paeditrician again. The sick feeling I got when I walked through those doors took my breath away, I wanted to be anywhere but in that hospital.
The paeditrician was 'satisfied' with Lily's weight gain however wanted to see the shield gone. I felt like getting up and screaming at him 'you think I don't!' I was still trying at most feeds to get Lily to feed without the shield but she just didn't have the strength.
He sent me that day to see a Lactation Consultant at a hospital in the city to 'get rid of the shield.'
When I got to the hospital the LC was just as angry as I had been. She was completely on my side. Like she said it isn't just a matter of getting rid of it, Lily has to be ready. I think they see a lot of that paeds just don't understand that side of it sometimes.
She was so lovely, reassuring and commended me on my dedication to continue BFing. Once I explained the whole story to her she said she'd completely understand if I had had enough and wanted to put her on the bottle.
I guess that is where the Taurus in me comes out, I am a stubborn bull!
We tried various methods to attach Lily, with the conclusion that she just wasn't ready.

So we continued on for a few days and Lily was steadily putting on weight.

Until the following Friday night, Lily just flat out refused to feed from me, she only wanted the bottle. I tried at every feed, but she would just scream so I was exclusively expressing and feeding her through the bottle.
On the Saturday night we went to Mums for dinner, we had had a horrendous day Lily just screamed all day. Once we walked through the door and I seen Mum it was just to much I just dissolved into tears. By now even Mum was suggesting for mine and Lily's health perhaps the bottle was the way to go.
Of course being a weekend I couldn't contact the LC. So I resolved I would phone her first thing on Monday morning.
All weekend Lily wouldn't feed from me.
On Monday morning as I was bathing Lily and I was so consumed by the stress of it. I looked down at Lily and realised that something had to give I was no longer enjoying my baby girl, I had to do something.

I rang the LC at 9:01 and she told me to come down whenever I could. So Mum came over and we headed to the hospital in the city.
Joanne the LC was just so lovely and even she said. 'Look Jess you have given this all you can, do not feel you have failed if you cannot go on' I still wanted to keep trying though.
We tried for a while and then it happened.... LILY ATTACHED! We all looked at each other in amazement! Lily was feeding directly from the breast! None of us could believe it!
She wasn't very consistent and kept coming off, which Joanne was worried would give me cracked nipples, but I didn't care she was feeding!

I was instructed to stop on the way home and buy some Lansinoh cream, which I did. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to get her to attach at home, but from that day on Lily has not fed from the shield or had a bottle.
It was quite difficult for a few weeks to get her to attach and feed properly but I was persistent, Cameron suggested one night to top her up with the bottle, but one stern look from me ensured he never mentioned it again.

Sure enough due to Lily coming off frequently I ended up with cracked and bleeding nipples. Also the shield didn't help as my nipples didn't have the conditioning from feeding from day one. The Lansinoh cream was my saviour, and I also tried to air them whenever I could. I used to sit in the dining room where the morning sun shone in with my boobs out to try to help them heal. Now I can chuckle looking back, but at the time, oh the pain. If my clothes brushed up against them or I knocked myself, it would bring tears to my eyes.

One the Wednesday, the day before Lily's paed appt Joanne phoned to see how we were going. I thought this was lovely, she didn't have to do that.
She warned me to not be alarmed if Lily hasn't had a big weight gain as feeding from the breast is harder work and therefore she would burn more calories.

On the Thursday we returned to the hospital, that same sick feeling returned, but thankfully my rock, my Mum came with me.
We walked in to have Lily weighed, again the sick feeling got worse, the scales went up and down for a while and finally rested on a figure, Lily had put on 500 grams! What a little champion!!!
Lily now weighed 3570grams at 26 days up from 3060 at 15 days. I was so proud of her!
When we went in to see the paed he as most impressed, stating that it must be some kind of world record! World record or not I didn't care.
I will never forget the pride I felt in myself and Lily sitting in that room cradling my daughter, we had done it, we defied everyone, and we did it without a drop of formula!

When we left the hospital I was floating on cloud 9. Mum commented that in that room she saw the world lift from my shoulders and instead be replaced by a giant smile.

My nipples were still cracked and bleeding, each attachment left me in tears but I couldn't have cared less, I was breastfeeding.
Each day it improved somewhat and now, well it is a very enjoyable, special bonding time for Lily and I.

I just love it, regardless of what is happening that is our special time together, no one else can feed my daughter besides me, and I love that.

So if you have gotten through this entry, I commend you! It is mammoth but I really wanted to record it before bits and peices are forgotten. Also so that I can show Lily what trouble she caused!
Thanks for reading.

5 Months Old

Wow my baby girl is now 5 months old, how exactly did that happen? The time has absolutely flown by.

Lily is perfectly happy with it, however Mum over here is having a little difficulty adjusting to my baby girl growing up, where has my iddy widdy baby gone?!

I must say though (and I know I say this every month) but I am really loving this age with Lily. Her little personality and character is really shining through, and she is just the most lovable baby girl.

I love how she is discovering her voice and trying so hard to make a range of noises. There is no better sound than waking up to Lily chatting away in her cradle beside my bed, bliss.

Lily is now very mobile, the days of putting her down and returning to the room and she was laying in the same spot are now well and truly over. As soon as I put her down she rolls straight over onto her tummy. Lily now enjoys being on her belly and can now usually roll back onto her back, but if she can't she doesn't hesitate in asking me to roll her back over!

When I return to the room she has usually managed to roll a metre or so away from where she began.

One of my favourite moments is when I leave to room to put a load of washing on or some other mundane chore. When I return though and Lily spots me she gets so excited, her little arms and legs move like crazy, similar to a star jump while laying down. This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and very loved!

Speaking of cradles and bedding arrangements.

Yesterday we were putting new curtains up in our bedroom and when it came time for Lily's nap there was nothing up at the window.

I thought 5 months is as good a time as any for Lily to have her first sleep in her big girl cot. So I popped her down, drew the curtains and walked out. I must admit a part of me actually wanted her to cry out to me, this would indicate she wasn't ready.
But I kid you not 2 minutes later she was out like a light.

I wasn't actually convinced that she would stay asleep, as I was folding the washing I thought that new mattress must be quite firm so decided to put another sheet on top of the first one. (That and the fact I am paranoid about SIDS and wanted to have another layer between Lily and the mattress, although brand new I worry about that bacteria, yes I am a paranoid Mum!) so I moved Lily to bottom of the cot to but another sheet on. (Yes I know crazy for disturbing her) I then popped her back where she was sleeping and she went back to sleep.

Lily slept in her cot for 40 minutes and was more than happy when I went in to pick her up when she awoke.

Lily also had another 2 hour sleep in her cot yesterday afternoon when I left the poor girl sleeping undisturbed! Last night though she was back in her cradle.

I do know though that the time is rapidly approaching where Lily is going to have to go into her cot, I guess that to me signifies another step in her growing up.

Last night we went up to my parents for dinner. I love it at my parents, it is such a lovely spot.

One of the highlights would have to be the kangaroos that come to visit each afternoon, they trust Mum so much that they come and take the bread out of her hand.

This is a male kangaroo that comes also, these photo's do not do him justice but he is HUGE! Male kangaroos can also be very aggressive so we always ensure plenty of distance is kept between him and us!

This is a little baby joey that has just left his Mums pouch. I bet she is feeling very relieved, lately he hasn't even fit in there properly. Poor Mum would be hopping along and his legs and tail would be hanging out her pouch.

Another thing I am loving now with Lily is her increasing interest in the world that surrounds her, which I am very keen to foster the growth of.
Everyday sights, sounds and smells that we as adults take little to no notice of Lily absolutely marvels in.
Yesterday at Mums for example Lily was very interested in the leaves on one of the gorgeous trees. Of course I just had to capture the moment.
I love the level of amazement and fascination that Lily shows in the world around her, it is beautiful to see.

I love this photo of Lily sitting on Mum's bed. It's like she is meditating. Hmmmm

So my sweet princess I am loving the 5 joyous amazing months in which we have shared with you so far, I cannot remember my life before you.
I look forward to the journey ahead and continuing to marvel at you each and every day as you grow right before my very eyes.

My Breastfeeding Journey

Watching Bringing Up Babies last night on the ABC and seeing a woman struggling to BF has prompted me to record my journey before parts are forgotten.

Mine and Lily's road to a successful BFing relationship has been somewhat of a rocky one, we faced a number of obstacles but thankfully were able to meet and pass each one.

To begin with we didn't have that initial skin on skin contact, there was no opportunity to feed Lily until day 3.

Due to Lily's horrible entry to the world, the distress, born not breathing etc I didn't even get to hold her, Cameron didn't get to cut the cord either, she was born, stabilised and then rushed away to the SCN. To begin with we were not even told her gender. It was the most frightening day and week of my life, I felt so helpless.

Sometimes when I see pictures of women proudly cradling their newborn babies I get a pang of sadness. That was not the case for me, I didn't see my daughter properly until she was 3 hours old, and this is what I was confronted with. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful to all the doctors that worked hard to ensure Lily's health however it was quite traumatic for me.

Being wheeled back to my room alone after seeing Lily was so difficult, and there I lay in my hospital bed listening to other babies crying. The closest I could get was phoning the nursery on extension 021 to speak with a midwife and ask how Lily was.

These photos were taken the day after Lily was born.

The day after Lily was born seen her in a stable condition, they began feeding her some of my colostrum down her NG tube.
That day was emotionally exhausting as we had quite a number of people come to the hospital to visit Lily.
Being that only 2 visitors were allowed in the SCN at once, involved a lot of trips to and from my room to collect other people to go around for a visit.
I was also very sore as I had a 3rd degree tear and lots of stitches. All of the walking and sitting on hard chairs in the nursery certainly did me no favours.

On Monday evening I went to bed at about 10:00, I woke at about 1:00am and phoned the nursery to see how Lily was doing. The midwife sounded quite concerned and said that Lily had had some jerky movements which she thought were a seizure.
Of course after hearing that there was no way I was getting any sleep, so I headed around to the nursery, where I sat next to Lily seperated from her by her glass crib and cried my eyes out. The midwife was lovely and sat with me, comforting me.

She asked if I wanted a cuddle and although apprehensive I did have a cuddle, Lily was quite puffy all over her body, she was also not passing any urine. The doctors came to the conclusion that her kidneys had not yet kicked in and therefore she wasn't passing any of the colostrum that she had been fed, feeds were now held.
I put her back in her humidicrib on her tummy, being on her tummy was to help the fluid drain from her belly.
Once back in her crib I stood there with the midwife talking some more, it was then that we both noticed more jerky movements, the midwife called the senior midwife over who confirmed that Lily was indeed having a seizure.
There I stood in another flood of tears.
the doctor was paged and he was down there within a matter of minutes, he too was lovely. Lily was given a dose of Fenabarb to stop any further seizures. This made her very drowsy and sleepy.

I phoned Cameron who was at home to let him know what had happened, he came straight to the hospital. It was now 3:00am and the midwives told us to go and get some sleep.
We went back to my room where we cried some more, comforted each other and listened to other babies crying.

That morning as the paeditricians did there rounds they decided to commence feeds once again at lunch time. I was not leaving Lily's crib as I wanted to watch her every second incase she had another seizure. This was quite a worrying time as Lily was born at 37 weeks and had a very strong startle reflex and all her movements were jerky. It didn't help that there she lay uncovered in her crib. She could not be wrapped as then we wouldn't see the seizures, so she was constantly startling herself.
My Mum and Nana came and told us to go and have a lay down and they would watch Lily, I left strict instructions that I was to be woken when Lily could be fed as we were going to attempt to BF her.
From what Mum has told me she had to push quite hard for this to happen as the midwives just wanted to give her formula, even once Mum had said I wanted to BF, they physically went and prepared the formula to feed her down her NG tube, this was obviously much easier for them. Mum physically had to stand up and say no you are not giving it to her and came and woke me up.

Ok now I finally get to the BFing part!

Once Mum came and woke us up Cameron and I went around to the nursery.
The midwife put the screens around to give us some privacy, but oh my I was so sore from the stitches and hard chairs what I wouldn't have gave to sit on a lounge!
Anyhow the midwife then proceeded to grab my breast, grab Lily behind the neck and mash the 2 together hoping that she would attach. Not quite the way I envisioned it. After 5 or so minutes it became clear that Lily was not going to attach. Lily was also much like a premmie baby in that she wasn't very demanding and tired very quickly. At this point another midwife suggested that we try a nipple shield. This worked almost instantly and Lily began to feed. I remember saying to Cameron that it was the best feeling in the world.
I think I have written an entry on it, titled my first breastfeed, must look back and see if I can find it.

I think it was at this point I actually began to feel like Lily's Mum, I was now playing a role in her care and feeling important for the first time.Until now I had not so much as changed Lily's nappy. This was the beginning of Lily's 3 hourly feeds. It was bliss, however it was a bit scary walking the hospital corridoors at all hours of the night from my room to the nursery, not to mention incredibly difficult to leave the nursery each time without my baby in my arms. I also found it very difficult to sleep between feeds and would find myself just about to drift off and my alarm would sound meaning time to head back to the nursery for the next feed.

This continued for the following two days and nights and on what was to be our final night in the hospital Lily was allowed to 'room in' with me.
I felt bad because as I was now a boarder and not a patient I had a shared room. The lady I was sharing a room with was lovely, but the reason I felt bad was that her baby was also in the nursery. I felt terrible that I was going to be having Lily in with me that night but she was not going to have her baby with her. I also know how hard sleep is to come across in the hospital and didn't like the thought that perhaps Lily would wake her up.
I voiced my concerns to her, but she wouldn't have a bar of it, she said she was so happy for me and that I was most deserving of having Lily in with me. I then felt more at ease.

I got to have Lily in my room all day as well as the night. It was so nice to lay on my bed and gaze at her laying ever so sweetly in her crib, such a beautiful sight, now that is the way I had envisioned my hospital stay!
Here is Lily sleeping peacefully in my room. She is a little jaundiced and also still has her hat on that she was given in the nursery.

The following morning we had her final visit from the paed, then we had to wait for her check out medical to be completed. We were understandably very anxious to get home, and I was growing frustrated as the doctors were doing check out medicals to babies who's parents weren't even there to collect them, and there we were patiently sitting waiting!
A lovely midwife told the doctors in a rather blunt way that they should be doing Lily's medical as we were there waiting and had I had been there practically every minute since Lily was born!
A lot of the midwives and doctors commented on the amount of time I spent in the nursery, remarking that I must never sleep, if I was awake I was in that nursery, all I wanted was to be there with my baby every second of the day, I wouldn't have thought that was all that uncommon but I seen many sights during our stay, and yes apparently it is. (More in another entry)

I cannot describe the feeling of pride, excitement and relief I felt carrying my beautiful newborn baby girl out of those hospital doors for the first time, Lily's and also my first breath of fresh air in 6 days! Aah bliss.

We had a very careful drive home, I sat in the back with Lily of course (as I did for much of the following 2 weeks if Cameron was driving!)
Dad phoned on the way home and made a comment that made me laugh for the first time in over a week. He instructed me to tell Cameron to drive very slowly and put the hazard lights on as he was carrying precious cargo! Was very funny, and I still giggle to myself recalling that conversation.

I better leave it there as Mum will be here soon and we are going food shopping.

Such a long entry but it is really only the start, will be back with more later.

Social Butterfly

It appears that little Lily is quite the social butterfly.

Whenever we are out she will usually happily chat and smile at people that pass by and have a chat to her. This happens all the time, usually we are stopped about 5 times in any given outing. I don't mind at all it is lovely.

This was exemplified at mothers group yesterday.

Yesterday we were covering the topic babies at play. Lily was quite tired and so I had her wrapped and was trying to pat her to sleep. This in itself is quite different as when we are at home I wrap her and pop her in her cradle and thankfully she settles herself off to sleep. Yes I am very spoilt. (Most of the time)

Anyhow the lovely lady who was leading the group yesterday commented that Lily perhaps wouldn't be participating as she was going to sleep.

By this point it was clear to me that Lily was indeed nowhere near going to sleep, trying to move her head in all directions to look around. I thought Lily would enjoy playing with the various objects they had set up.

I sat down with Lily wrapped on my knee, and proceeded to unwrap her, once unwrapped she turned to look at me and gave me the hugest, cheekiest grin, as if to say, I won Mum!

Unbeknown to me and Lily most of the group were watching her and burst out laughing when they seen the cheeky display of Lily's character. Lily looked up towards the group of ladies giggling and was quite happy to be in the limelight. There she sat on my lap smiling, giggling and talking to all the ladies that were watching her. It was quite a funny moment.

Later in the session Lily was again sitting on my knee. I was talking to the lady next to me and had my body angled towards her. Lily decided to participate in the conversation and promptly began chatting away and smiling at this lady. She even leant forward and reached out to grab her nose! It was very funny and both the lady and I were giggling at Lily, she certainly isn't lacking in confidence.

Whenever my family in particular are around, Lily is the centre of attention, she loves having attention lavished on her, to the point if we are out and someone walks close to us or talks to me and doesn't acknowledge Lily, (which granted, rarely happens) she follows them with her eyes as if to say 'excuse me I am here'

Here is Lily this morning playing with the cat. I think this picture screams out 'Mum if only I could reach a little further' kitty may not be so happy to lay in such close proximity then! I hate how the colours of the pillow and that of the rug clash so much, but oh well, kitty and the rug match in quite well!

My sewing skills are still very amateur, but I LOVE quilts so I purchased this one for Lily from a shop on Etsy. I have also commissioned a quilt from a lady who makes the most beautiful quilts, which I am very excited about receiving.

Breasts and Bottles

I am still having little to no luck with Lily drinking from a bottle.

I try her each day and sometimes she seems slightly interested she will allow the bottle in her mouth, play with the teat a little but swallows none, it all just dribbles out the side of her mouth.

I have tried having others give her a bottle, Mum and Cameron have tried but again no luck. I have even been and brought bottles that best resemble the breast, nope she is not interested.

It is not a huge drama, it's not that she NEEDS to take a bottle. How do I explain to her she only needs to have one bottle a week, on a Friday morning!

It is ironic that when Lily was a few weeks old I was in tears as she would not feed from me, only from the bottle, and here I am today willing her to take a bottle!

If Lily wont take the bottle it just means I will have to study externally, I have done it before I just prefer not to. I find I learn a lot more by actually attending the lectures and tutorials as more is discussed and different scenarios addressed than what is covered in the external study notes. Especially for 3rd year subjects which are quite difficult in terms of complexity and depth of knowledge.

Poor Lily, she is used to me being a camera wielding Mummy, but first thing in the morning, that's a bit rough! I think that is what she was thinking given her expression.

In this photo it looks as though I have plucked her from her crade and put her straight on the bed and taken a photo, which is precisely what I did!

Fly Free Rainbow

It is with tear filled eyes that I write this entry.

For Fathers Day 2 years ago my Mum, Aunty and Uncle brought my Papa the most gorgeous Rainbow Lorikeet, my cousin aptly named him Rainbow.

Now Rainbow is my Papa's constant companion he loves her and she loves him so very much and they have shared the most wonderful bond.

My Nana was so against the purchase of Rainbow she likes animals, but those of other peoples. However even Nana has a soft spot for Rainbow, she would talk lovingly about her and even go out of her way to buy Rainbow's favourite foods, she also brought her a number of toys. The whole family has been astonished by the way Nana has warmed to Rainbow.

Rainbow was the cheekiest bird, so full of character, she would talk and talk, imitate the phone's she was just so lovable.

She loved to chew my earrings and also my acrylic nails when I had them. Papa would pour some Coke into the rim of the can and she would drink it, and boy did she carry on if she wasn't given any!

I guess I need to get to the point. Yesterday Rainbow was killed by the cat from across the road from my Nana and Papa.

Now I know as well as the next person that it is a cat's instinct to hunt and kill. For this reason our cat is exclusively indoor.

However the owner of this cat is a child abusing, stealing, drug addict. I kid you not when I say her children have not been to school a day in over 2 years, they are forever knocking on Nana and Papa's door and others in the street asking for food. She is always leaving them home and going out stealing, running drugs etc. they have 3 dogs and who knows how many cats and rabbits. It is so bad that her neighbours on each side regularly throw food to the dogs as she never feeds any of them. The children go to all the businesses in the main street of the town asking for their old pies etc as there is never any food in the house. Many concerned residents have contacted the authorities and what happens, that's right nothing.

So this cat in particlar is very hungry. Without going into to much more detail you can probably see why we are so upset.

My Papa had only gotten home from working in Tasmania the day before and Rainbow and him were so happy to see each other. My Papa had her out of her cage playing with her, went inside to go to the toilet and heard the commotion. He came running outside but there was nothing he could do. My Papa is a big tough macho man and this has rocked him to his core, he is devestated.

He went across the road, the mother wouldn't even come to the door, she sent her heavily pregnant 14 year old daughter to the door who said, wait for it, Oh. That's all she said!

Anyhow both Nana and Papa are really hurting so I thought I would do something to try and put a smile on their face. So Lily and I this morning made them a card.

It was so cute I put the pencil in Lily's hand and the pencil on the paper and she would move it around, I wish there had of been someone here to video it!

I tried to trace around Lily's little hand and foot but she wouldn't keep them still, so you can see the not so great result. But I am sure they will like it all the same. I think it will invoke one or two more tears but I hope it will also warm their heart a little. It's the least I can do.

My apologies the pictures aren't all that clear, the colurs aren't represented very well and you can't see the print on the actual card, but you get the idea.

And of course what is an entry without a picture of my cheeky little princess!

Valentines Day

Well the most romantic day of the year was certainly less than romantic this year, not that I mind at all.

It began with me going to the shops. On Friday I tried on a dress that I really loved, but resisted the urge to buy it as I really don't NEED it, even though it was heavily reduced. When I got home Friday afternoon I remembered I had another dress from the same shop that I had brought before I realised it was totally un-practical for breastfeeding. Read i'd have to pull the whole dress up, not a good look in public! On another note, how hard is it to find clothes that are suitable for breastfeeding?!

Anyhow so Saturday seen me return to the shops to exchange one dress for the other.

When Lily and I got home I put her down for a sleep, she seemed pretty tired so I thought i'd have a couple of hours to get stuck into the garden. What originated as a tidy up, weed and putting mulch down, turned into a complete garden reconstruction! I shouldn't complain as it really does need it. I should have known what was going to happen when Cameron approached chainsaw in hand! So when it cools down later in the week I will be visiting the nursery for some new plants.

The evening was nice though, we had dinner out and it was a lovely night.

I gave Cameron a BBQ cook book which he loved and Lily gave him the cutest little magnet which say's Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.

This quote is so true, I know many, many fathers but some of them certainly are not a Dad.

I got a lovely card from Cameron which was nice, we had agreed not to do gifts this year but I wanted to get him something small.

Lily dressed ready to go out for dinner.

Out to dinner

Baby Sale

Today I went to the Big W baby sale. I am quite happy with the self restraint that I managed to exercise.

I could have brought much, much more than I did, however today is only day 1 of the sale, I can't promise that I won't be back.

Lily got

* Sippy Cup - Lily has no interest in a bottle so perhaps this may work? I am doubtful but if I am to return to uni something has to work.

* Animal musical rattle

*Teething ring with keys on it.

*Pooh pull along train, so cute!

*Little bonds slippers, also very cute.

*Lovely soft pink minky blanket,

*One sleveless Bonds wondersuit

*One long sleeve Pooh soft onesie.

*Butterfly onesie.

Kitty winkle thought the Pooh train packaging was great fun.

In other news I think Lily may be getting a toothy peg. She has been very grizzly, pulling at her ears and has very rosy red cheeks. Poor little poppet.

Baby Massage

Yesterday in the first half of mothers group we learnt some baby massage techniques. Lily loved laying there on her towel being massaged by me and looking around at all the other babies. Honestly that little girl just melts my heart more and more each day.

Lily obviously found the massage relaxing as after a quick top up she promptly dropped off into a deep sleep, she slept for the following hour soundly in her pram, which is unheard of! She even woke up and drifted back off to sleep again. That to is certainly unheard of!

I had to wake Lily up to put her in the car to leave.

We then went to Coles to do a spot of shopping, but once we were home and Lily had another quick feed she was straight back to sleep until I woke her at 8:00pm, and boy was she grumpy!

Since Lily clearly enjoys a massage and the result is a lovely deep sleep for her I will certainly be implementing massage into our evening routine. I am all about routines and structure!

We also learnt about Lymphatic (?) exercises, to teach baby co-ordination between their left and right side of the brain. Lily seems to enjoy these too. Since Lily is breastfed and Cameron doesn't play a huge role in her day to day care I thought this could be something he could do with her every day or so. He seems interested, whether this continues after a day or so we will see!

Of course since I am such a photo fanatic here is some pics of Lily with her teddies that I took this morning.

My clever girl reading the gift tag.

Salma Hayek

I must admit that I don't know a great deal about Salma Hayek.

I must say that I have a huge admiration for her from today.

Here is Salma breastfeeding a starving baby in Sierra Leonie. What better gift is there for that poor child.

I can't work out how to embed the footage so here is the link. If anyone can tell me how, please do leave a comment.

http://hollywooddame.com/2009/02/06/salma-hayek%E2%80%99s-breast-fed-a-stranger%E2%80%99s-dying-baby/

Would I do this, in a heartbeat. I would not hesitate at all. The way the baby was looking up at Salma with such awe, what a beautiful thing.

I also think this does wonders for the worldwide profile of breastfeeding. I for one just love feeding Lily and have no intention of stopping anytime soon.

This is another video, this one is a little more distressing though. This poor 7 day old baby passes away from Tetanus, a death that could have been prevented with a 7cent vaccine, how tragic. This video made me so sad, that poor 19 year old girl who's baby passed away from something so preventable. Just awful. Made me want to scoop my sleeping baby up out of her cradle and just hold her close.

http://a.abcnews.com/Entertainment/story?id=6804291&page=1

Salma Hayek launching one pack, a vaccine agreement with Unicef to vaccinate agains maternal and neo-natal tetanus. Lovely to see a celebrity using their status to raise awareness.

So today I am certainly admiring Salma Hayek.

Devestation

Any personal drama's, worries or self indulgent hangups I may be experiencing have been put into perspective against the terrible bushfires that are burning out of control in Victoria.

The fires have been described as Australia's worst ever natural disaster in modern history. The last news report I heard put the toll at 108 people dead and 750 homes lost. The devestation is just un-imaginable, people have lost their homes, friends, family, colleagues, pets. How do you move on from that? How do you rebuild entire communities?

People have been left with literally only what they are wearing. No hairbrush to brush their hair, no spoon to feed themselves with, no clean underwear to change into tomorrow. Such utter devestation and grief. I think a big dose of shock also.

To think that a lot of the fires that are still raging out of control have been deliberately lit! It really makes my blood boil. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd described it perfectly, mass murder. There is no other words to describe the dispicable behaviour of those arsonists, a terrible display of human behaviour, I doubt those people are even human.

Authorities had been warning people on Saturday that the conditions were the worst ever experienced, worse conditions than Ash Wednesday, and still people dared to light fires. One young boy was on the news describing how somebody threw a cigarette butt out of a window, and from that a huge fire sparked, I mean HOW STUPID!!!

It makes me so angry and I don't even know anyone personally who has been affected, I can only imagine the feelings of grief, anger, despair, shock, and I am sure many more people that have been affected are experiencing.

I feel so much for the men, women and children that don't yet even know if their loved ones have survived the fires. There are tales of people being found huddled together that have perished in the fire, it is just heart wrenching. I wish there was something I could do to help apart from donating to the various causes. You just feel so damn useless watching the reports on the TV.

The scenes these hereos, our fire fighters have come across, they will never forget. God Bless Them.

I feel numb today, I just want to hold my loved one's even closer, it really puts things into perspective.