Honours

It is not often that I receive any mail in the post that I am actually happy to receive.
It is usually just a vast array of boring everyday stuff. Bank statements, water and electricity bills, ATO correspondence, you get the drift.

Well last week (or was it the week before?) I received a letter I actually enjoyed reading.
It was from Uni, a letter inviting me to complete an honours year at the completion of my degree.
Because I have received all distinctions apparently that automatically qualifies me to complete an honours year.

So all the hard work and studying has really paid off! However that honours year will probably take me three years to complete as I will be studying part time.

In other news, Lily slept brilliantly yesterday having two lovely big 2 1/2 - 3 hour sleeps. However last night she was up every 2 1/2 hours, cheeky little miss!
So today I will be doing trying to encourage her to have a little more wake time.
It's not even like I can vacuum to wake her up, she sleeps right through it! She is like her Mum there, once she is asleep she is well and truly asleep!

I am supposed to be starting my quilting classes tomorrow. I put it off last week as I didn't want to leave Lily. It remains to be seen if I will be able to tomorrow!
Isn't it funny, I say I want to return to work, yet I can't even leave Lily for 2 hours while I am 2 minutes down the road.

Here is a pic out of my dream house file for today, or should that be dream garden?

What May Have Been

Let me begin this entry by saying that I have never been happier, I absolutely love each and every aspect of my life.

Just sometimes though I do wonder how things could of perhaps turned out differently.

Prior to meeting Cameron my plans were to finish my degree and head overseas for a couple of years.
I dreamt of living in a neighbourhood in the US similar to the one pictured below.
Living in an apartment, working for a multinational company establishing a successful career and seeing the world.

I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world, somedays though I do sit and wonder about how my life may have followed a different path had Cameron and I not got together.

Hopefully one day I will have the opportunity to travel overseas and discover the sights from a different perspective, with my family by my side. I can think of nothing better.

Immunisations

On Thursday Lily had her 8 week immunisations. They were done at our local library at the local shopping centre.

Mum came with me and I we did some food shopping before taking Lily for her injections. After the food shopping I spent about half and hour browsing through various shops, trying to put off the inevitable.

I felt terrilbe taking my baby girl in to have pain inflicted upon her. Particulary when she was so happy and cozy in her pram. Mum didn't want to come in while Lily had her injections so I went in by myself.

First she had her Rotavirus immunisation orally, she was pretty good with it, but did give me a few funny looks as if to say 'what is this Mum?'

Then came the two needles, it was awful, Lily screamed and screamed and gave me the most heart wrenching looks as if to say why did you do that Mum! It broke my heart.

We had to wait for 15 minutes incase Lily had a reaction and Lily was quite upset, and by that time due a feed so we went into a corner for me to feed her.

It had a double purpose really because not only was she due a feed but being on the breast never ceases to calm Lily if ever she is upset.

It is so nice to know that she will always relax on the breast.
Lily has been such a trooper and hasn't had any reactions at all besides a touch of diarreoah on Friday. Such a tough little cookie, after everything she went through during birth and that first week, whats a couple of needles? So proud of her.

Yesterday we had Camerons neices birthday party. Lily was so well behaved and of course much admired by all the guests, she had lots of cuddles thats for certain. She was full of charm and smiles.

lots of people commented on how content and happy she is, I am very lucky, but I must be doing something right since she is always happy.

Of course here is some photos.

These were taken on Friday, Lily was two months old on Friday.

My goodness, how did I get so lucky, to be blessed with the most adorable, sweet little baby girl?
Each month on the 21st when Lily turns a month older, I take a picture of her with her big pink teddy given to her by her Nana, just to compare how she is growing. Unfortunately I don't have one from last month. I was still suffering from baby brain, and this months was taken a day late too! Maybe next month I will remember, and on the right day too...

This months effort wasn't too fantastic either!

Here is a couple of pics of Lily and I yesterday, just before we left for Lucy's party. It was SOOO good to be in heels again! Excuse the daggy photos though.

Two Months Old

My goodness I can hardly believe it, Lily is going to be two months old tomorrow! Where has the time gone.



Lily is growing into the sweetest, most adorable little girl that has ever graced the earth. (Of course I am biased but what Mum isn't)

She is becoming very chatty and smiley and is even trying to muster up a giggle! Over the past week Lily has been going in her swing, at first she was a little apprehensive but now she absolutely loves it, as do I. Lily is happy to sit in her swing while I potter about cleaning, preparing dinner etc, whereas she would get a bit grizzly just sitting in her chair. I would have to say it is one of the best investments we have made! It is lovely to be able to do things while she is awake, and usually she just drops off to sleep if she is fed and happy.

Lily enjoying her very first swing

The only problems we have been having is with wind. What a horrible thing wind is. But we seem to be getting on top of it. I am just being much more careful and ensuring that she burps after each side.

Other than that she is just precious and I can hardly believe how lucky I am!

On Saturday we went up to Mums as Cameron was helping to build their new pergola. Lily had been fed, burped and was ready to go to sleep, however she just would not drop off inside, which was surprising as Lily loves Mums house.


Everyone, being Cameron, Mum, John and my uncle (who is no shrinking violet!) were outside having lunch so I wheeled Lily outside under the shade and despite all the talking and laughing she dropped right off to sleep.

So well infact that she slept for 2 hours, through talking, welding, grinding and general building work! I am so happy as I want Lily to be able to sleep through all situations.

On Sunday we went to ponyclub to watch Camerons niece. I dressed Lily in her little horsey suit and took some pics of her with her first pony. A good look yeah? Cameron isn't so convinced! I certainly wont be pushing Lily into horses I want her to have broadened horizons and experience many other avenues than just the hobbies I am interested in.

On Tuesday Lily, Mum and I went to visit Mums friend Julia, she is just lovely and she hadn't met Lily so she was very happy to see her. Of course she thought she was just beautiful, who wouldn't!

Here is a picture of Lily all dressed ready to go out, I just love babies in knitted clothes.

Sleeping soundly in her pram at Julias, she usually sleeps better out than she does at home! Today I have to take Lily to have her 8 week immunisations *sad face* I am really not looking forward to it, poor little poppet.

Life's way of changing your plans

Isn't the path of life an amazing thing?

Last night or should I say this morning at about 2:00am as I sat on the lounge feeding Lily, I spied a photo of Cameron and I from the night we got together sitting on the bookcase.

It brought a flood of memories rushing back. One that gave me a giggle were some words from an early relationship chat we had.
I told Cameron two things, one that I didn't want children, and the other that I was going overseas to further my career and there was nothing he could do to stop me.

Well, well, well, where are we now!

I guess being with the right person makes all the difference. Prior to Cameron I had never met anybody that made me want to settle down, buy a house and have a family. As for the travelling overseas part, I do still want a career, however it will be worked around my number one focus, Lily.

I know for certain that I will definetly not be moving overseas to work, maybe for a holiday, but certainly not to move.
I for one could not be seperated from my family, in particular my Mum for any length of time, and I do not wish to move Lily away from her family either.

One thing I do know, the girl that I was at the time that I met Cameron, is now a young woman with a completely different set of goals, that I would never have imagined back then. If i'd of met me now at that time, I would not know me!

Frontyard Blitz

We spent the weekend digging out our front garden and planting new plants. It was very hard work, the ground was rock hard.

I woke on Saturday morning informing Cameron that I was going to buy 10 pencil pines to plant out the front, I just thought we could 'put them in' little did I know how much work it was going to be do dig out the garden bed and level it.

It had to be levelled as the neighbours side is higher than ours and therefore the water runs straight onto our driveway.

Now I understand why Cameron wasn't impressed, particulary as at the minute they are working about 60 hours a week, in a very physically demanding job.

Sorry honey!

Never the less it had to be done at some stage and I was sick of how the garden was looking.

So here is a before pic, I hated the hedges, and they grew like wildfire.

This is how the front garden looked on Saturday afternoon, all but 2 of the pines are now planted, as are small shrubs in front of them, I must take updated pics.

My goodness now I can see how much removing those hedges opens up the front yard, makes a huge difference! Notice the change in cars, yes Cameron changes his cars like his underwear! Mind you the ute does come in handy.

Now all they need to do is grow a bit, however hopefully by the time they are a decent size we will have moved, which brings me to my next point...

We have been in this house for 19 months, and don't get me wrong I do like our house, I've nothing to complain about it is only 9 years old, so there is nothing that really needs repairing.

It is however just a bit too small. I feel greedy saying that as it is your normal 3 bedroom home with a formal lounge, but it really is just that bit to small. I am also not all that keen on the area, however like everyone where I want to move is a little out of our price range.

We will not be able to have another child while we are in this house as the 3rd bedroom is very small and is used as our study, sewing, scrapbooking room. Not only that it has a door that leads into the garage and for that reason I would never use it as a bedroom, I just wouldn't feel safe doing so.

We are yet to discuss what age gap we would like between Lily and her sibling, I am thinking of somewhere about 3 years, which means we have a couple of years up our sleeves to move.

However I would REALLY love to build next, but I recognise there is a lot of work involved. If I am not working there are things that I would be able to do, however a lot of the work Cameron will have to do, and with him working long hours in a physically demanding job is he going to want to put that work in?

Not only that he would only be able to do work around the house on weekends which would mean it would take a while for things to get done.
If it was just us that wouldn't be a problem, but Lily will then be a toddler and perhaps we may have another baby so it is quite important that Lily would have a backyard to play in and not just a dirt/mud patch.

So this is something that we are going to have to have a good think/talk about and decide which way we go.

I guess we also need to think about where we want Lily to go to school, as I used to spend an hour and a half travelling to and from school and I do not wish Lily to have to do the same.

Heels

Today in I don't know how long, I brought my first pair of high heels! I was and am very excited.

Until about 20 weeks into my pregnancy I was wearing heels everyday, to work, shopping, out to lunch, anywhere I went, my heels I was in.

Then I was told it is not good to wear heels when pregnant so I stopped.

However I am very excited that I can now wear heels again, teamed with pretty summer skirts, can't wait.

I really miss my corporate wardrobe and getting dressed in the morning for work, so I am looking forward to trying to make my corporate wardrobe meet in the midde with my 'mummy' clothes, surely you can do both?

At least Lily is little and I won't need to be chasing her in those heels yet! That time will be here before I know it!

P.S I am making a super conscious effort to keep my blog up to date.

Patchwork Quilting

I have always been interested in Patchwork Quilting. However my sewing skills are very basic and I figured I wasn't creative enough to be any good at it.

A new quilting and sewing shop has opened up just down the road from Mums. The lady that owns and runs it is very lovely and encouraging. So much so that as of next week I will be beginning classes, she assures me it is not out of my capabilities, me, well i'm not so sure, but am very keen to give it a try.

I love the idea of making a quilt that Lily can play on, sleep with etc and even more love the idea that if the quilt is loved and cherished it can be passed on from generation to generation.

So with that in mind next Wednesday I will attend my first quilting class. I am very excited! The class runs for 2 hours from 10:00am - 12:00pm. Lily will stay with my Mum as this is when she is usually having her morning sleep. I will leave Mum a bottle of EBM and I know that she will be fine with my Mum, Lily idolises her Nana.

And of course if Lily does get upset I am literally 2 minutes down the road.

This is the 4 materials that I will be using in the class to create the quilt.

The plan, if time allows is that I will also make a quilt at home, doing the same block each week that I complete in class. This will help to cement my knowledge and also outline any areas in my learning that I need to clarify.

This is the material I will be using for the quilt at home.

Here are 3 pictures that are inspiring me today.

What I wouldn't give for a studio like this one! My study come sewing room will have to do for now!

I just love the look of this alfresco area. What better place to sit and unwind with loved ones?


I am also loving this kitchen, on one hand it looks busy and cluttered but I just love the lived in look, very warm and inviting.

Lily's Seizures and First Breastfeed

There are so many events and moments that I want to blog about, but it may take me a little while to catch back up.

Firstly I will write about my first breastfeed.

On Monday the 22nd of September when Lily was one day old at about 11:00pm Lily had some 'jerky movement' that the midwife on duty thought was a seizure. I awoke at about 11:30pm and phoned the nursery to see how Lily was, when the midwife told me about this of course the last thing I could do was get back to sleep. So I walked around to the nursery to see Lily and speak to the midwife some more.

When I got to the nursery Lily was on her stomach and very puffy. This was because she was not weeing and her body was retaining all of the fluid since birth and plus the couple of tube and cup feeds that she had had.

The midwife and I were standing next to her humidicrib and the midwife had her hand on Lily's bottom, we both witnessed another seizure, Lily's whole body was jerking up and down and did not stop when a hand was placed on her, this is how they determine if it is a seizure or not. If the movement stops when you touch her it is not a seizure.

The doctor on duty came straight away and examined Lily, she was given a dose of Fenabarb (sp) and was to be closely monitored for any more episodes.

By this point everything in the preceeding 2 days just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I sat next to Lily's crib with the glass seperating us and I howled and howled, I was inconsolable.
Until then I had not shed a single tear so I had a lot built up and it all hit me at once.

Cameron had gone home and was going to go to work on the Tuesday but I phoned him at about 2:00am and asked him to come in. The midwife phoned the ward and asked if Cameron could spend the night with me (which generally they are not) due to the circumstances he was allowed to and also spent the next night aswel.

We headed back to my room at about 4:00am and again I just cried and cried, it had all become too much for me, I hated being seperated from Lily and hearing the other babies on the ward cry and I was naturally beside myself with worry and guilt for what Lily was going through.

The thing that concerned me the most about the seizures was that if it was not for the midwife or me standing right there, they would have gone un-noticed as nothing changed on the monitors, her heartrate, oxygen levels, respiratory rate, nothing changed.
Of course I then did not want her left alone for a second as I was terrified she would have another seizure and it would have been missed.

My Mum and Nana came in the morning and sat with Lily while Cameron and I went and had a sleep in my room, by this time I think I had had 3 hours sleep since I was admitted on the Saturday afternoon.

Lily was booked in to have a cranio ultrasound at 4:00pm, of course it had to be at the end of the day.

This brings me to the feeding part of my entry.

Nana came and woke me a couple of hours later as Lily was to have her first breastfeed.

I was very nervous, excited, anxious and exhausted all at once. Lily was put to the breast and had a couple of sucks, but the midwifes had trouble getting her to attach as she was so sleepy and couldn't open her mouth wide enough, they were also quite rough and not very patient.

It was then decided that the shield would be tried, this worked and Lily had her first feed, from what I remember it did not last very long.

I don't really remember much about the feed, however I then had to go back to my room to have my dinner, and I clearly remember walking back to my room with Cameron and saying that that was the best feeling ever, I can recall the huge smile that I was wearing, I loved the feeling of feeding Lily, that was the first time that I actually felt close to her, the first skin to skin (well shield anyway) contact that we had, mother and daughter.

After I had my dinner, we returned to the nursery to see Lily and get the results from her ultrasound. The midwife walked over to me as I was washing my hands as I entered the nursery. She told me that Lily was very well behaved and her ultrasound all looked normal, they were still awaiting the official report but nothing nasty was detected.
The sheer relief I felt was amazing, I honestly felt the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I literally floated across the nursery to Lily's crib.

I am still emotionally recovering from the birth and everything that happened in the first week, and writing this entry brings a whole swag of emotions back, good and bad, writing is therapy though and I want to get it all out and have it there for me to look back at, and also for Lily to read.

Motherly Love and Guilt

Last night I was laying in bed after I had put Lily to bed in her cradle next to our bed.

I was laying there and suddenly just felt this all consuming, overwhelming love for my little girl.

All I wanted to do was scoop her up out of her cradle and place kisses all over her sweet smelling, kissable little cheeks. Somehow I managed to refrain myself from doing so, and waited until she awoke at 12:52am for her next feed.

I never thought it possible but each day I am falling more and more in love with Lily. Particulary as each day she is getting more and more interactive and developing her own little personality. Just this morning she awoke at 6:50am and had a little feed on one side, I didn't think she would be overly hungry as she had fed at 5:15am. After she had a bit of a snack she just layed in my arms looking up at me, making her gorgeous little noises and giving me a few big smiles. It is moments like these that I will treasure forever, memories that no money can buy. The best imaginable way to start the day.

She then sat in her rocker watching me while I prepared her bath and got her outfit for the day ready. Lily just loves her bath time, until she has to get out that is!

Here is a picture of Lily enjoying her bath time a couple of weeks ago. She is already looking so much older, she is changing so much everyday right before my very eyes.

Now the guilt part of this entry relates to some feelings I have been having the past couple of days.
I am the type of person who likes to always have a few balls up in the air, never one to just sit idle.
The past few days I have even been having thoughts of returning to work. Certainly not now and certainly not full time, but perhaps in the new year a day or two a week somewhere I think would fill my yearning for some outside stimulation.
And of course I feel terribly guilty for feeling this way, especially when I enjoy my time with Lily so much. Perhaps once I start back at uni that will fill the yearning and I won't have to look for work outside of the home.
I briefly brought the subject up with Cameron last night and he is not very keen on the idea, which I understand.
I do find it quite humourous that I have these grand plans to go back to work, however I am yet to leave Lily with anybody and have no intentions of doing so.
If I was to return to work Lily would be lovingly cared for by my Mum. She is itching to have Lily, I am surprised she has not been circling advertised positons for me!

I also feel that as Lily grows and has more awake time I will have less idle time, which I don't even have idle time now it is filled with housework, scrapbooking, visiting etc. Which I thought was my ideal life, and it is but sometimes I just feel that I need a bit of brain stimulation.
I also feel a little guilt like i'm not contributing to the household. However Cameron was very quick to point out that I have a very important job, caring for and raising our daughter, which I must add is a very valid point, and that will always be my number one role.

I think I am blabbing now and not making much sense, so I will leave it there and add a couple of pictures.

Here is Lily and Cooper having a cuddle

And one from later that day of lily comfortably sleeping on my chest at Nana and Papa's.

Lily sleeping in her rocker, this is one of my favorite little suits, simple but gorgeous, I will be sad when it no longer fits her.

And finally my pretty little princess at one month and one day. I forgot to take a photo of Lily at one month. (Silly me also forgot a full body shot!)

6 weeks 3 days

My goodness how did my little girl get to be 6 weeks already! In one way it feels like only yesterday Lily entered the world yet in another it feels that she has been here with us forever, I cannot remember what my life was like before Lily arrived, and I don't want too.

Firstly a little update on the feeding problems. I feel so guilty that I haven't kept my blog up to date, I must get better at this!
On the Monday after my last entry, we went back to the Lactation Consultant. She was fantastic and helped immensely, with much persistance we got Lily feeding directly from the breast! The feeling that I felt was indescribable, sheer elation that I was now breast feeding properly IYKWIM?
I was a litttle apprehensive about whether I would be able to do it on my own once I got home. But thankfully I was and since that day Lily has been exclusively breastfed, no shields and not one bottle top up! One very proud mummy I am.

When we went back to the hospital on the Thursday for an appt with the paed Lily had piled on 510 grams which the paed was amazed and very impressed at. And 6 days later at our last midwife visit Lily had put on 170 grams! So she is certainly feeding and growing very well. I am so proud of my little girl.

Unfortunately because Lily wasn't feeding directly from the breast since day one, my nipples didn't get the conditioning that they would have from short feeds to begin with. Lily was just straight on for 10 - 15 minutes each side.
This resulted in very painful cracked and bleeding nipples. This wasn't going to stop me though after everything we had been through to come this far! I am happy to report that we have soldiered through and my nipples are now healed!
Feeding is now a pleasurable bonding experience for the both of us.
This is going to sound silly but one of the reasons I didn't want to bottle feed Lily is that I didn't want anybody else to be able to feed her. Feeding is our time that we share together, just Lily and I and I am nowhere near ready to lose that time.

Lily is such a good baby and rarely cries unless she is hungry or has wind. She is also getting much more interactive chatting away and making gorgeous noises. We are also now getting quite a few smiles, which just melt my heart. Smiles are usually at Lily's happiest time, when she is kicking her legs with no nappies on.
On the nappy front I am coping really well with the cloth nappies, I just love them now and she is starting to grow into them, just have to fold them really small.

I am feeling a little foolish for originally thinking I was going to have 18 months to 2 years off of work. I am already feeling like I am going to need a bit of outside brain stimulation, and then of course I feel really guilty for feeling that way, especially when I love my time with Lily so much.

Anyway more on that tomorrow, I must scoot off and do some things while my precious is sleeping.