Lily Lorraine

At 7:49pm on Sunday the 21st of September, our lives were forever enriched by the arrival of our precious first born daughter, Lily Lorraine.

Lily Lorraine

Born at 7:49pm Sunday September 21st

Weighing 2965grams or 6pd 5oz

Length 49.5cms Head circumference 34.5cms

Unfortunately there were no precious first cuddles, that wasn't to come until the next day, Lily was placed on my chest momentarily while the cord was cut and then she was whisked away to the resus table where she was placed on oxygen.

To begin with we didn't even know whether Lily was a little girl or boy.

It is lucky that I had an epidural and was hardly with it, I was beside myself in my drugged state, I can only begin to imagine how hysterical I would have been had I not had the epidural and was completely with it when Lily made her forced entry into the world.

I now vow and declare that I will never be induced ever again, I am wracked with guilt everyday for the horrible start to life that Lily endured.
She clearly wasn't ready to enter the world, otherwise I would have gone into spontaneous labour. Being induced as I have mentioned in a prior entry is effectively forcing your body and more so your baby into doing something that neither is ready to do.

I naively thought that it would have been better for me and my baby for me to be induced, however just now do I know how wrong I was.

Each time I look at Lily I see the two matching bruises on her tiny little hands from the drips that she was on and it cuts me up each time.
To see everything that Lily went through in those first few days of her life, I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for that.

I didn't trust my body, I thought I could nurture and protect my baby more if they were here with me in my arms, how wrong I was, I have never felt more powerless or out of control in my life.

I feel indescribably blessed that Lily is such a little fighter and has bounced back so well.

To be able to walk out of the SCN on Friday with our baby girl in our arms and finally take her home, I can't think of the words to describe the feeling I felt.

I had not been home since I was admitted on Saturday afternoon to be induced. I had not spent more than 10 minutes in daylight, I felt like I was wagging school or doing something wrong when we were driving home on Friday.

It was such a weird feeling, I felt like I wasn't part of everyday life, for 5 days previous I had spent next to Lily's crib in the nursery sitting, admiring, and drinking in our baby girl through the windows of her crib.

I felt so out of touch with the world, I had not listened to the radio, seen or heard any news or even been in a car in that time.

It is so nice to be home, we are very lucky that Lily is such a contented, happy little baby, she pretty well settles straight after a feed and goes back to sleep.

Nights are a bit shaky but that is to be expected.

I am feeling a little down today as we had the home midwives visit today and Lily has lost a considirable amount of weight, I was quite shocked as from Friday to Sunday she had put on 237grams and was then above her birth weight.

It looks as though it was the angle of which I have been feeding. Lily was laying with her chin tucked down which as you can imagine would make it very difficult to swallow.

Since the midwife showed me a different technique to use to feed her, I can really notice a difference in her sucking and swallowing, so now I am just praying that the scales reflect this tomorrow.

I wonder if it will also make her more settled at night if she is feeling full, I imagine it would. I guess time will tell.

Well I best be off to get dinner ready.

I hope to be back each day as there is so much I want to record before it is wiped from my memory, I will keep jotting down notes as I remember things so as to jog my memory.

Induction

Today is the day, the day that I am going into hospital to be induced.

Yesterday I had my antenatal appointment, I went in there and my blood pressure was sky high. The doctor then did an internal which showed that my cervix was favourable, still a while off of going into natural labour but something was happening. She said this would be what was expected of a 37week pregnancy.

I was sent over to the assesment unit to have my blood pressure monitored while the doctor consulted with the registrar to decide what was the best step to take.

They were going to induce me yesterday, however my blood pressure stabilised while I was in the assesment unit, and so it should, it would be a worry if my blood pressure continued to rise while I was sitting still.

Basically the blood pressure medication isn't working even after they increased my dose to the maximum amount.

I was to be induced tomorrow, however they don't normally schedule inductions for the weekend as there is less staff rostered on, tomorrow was full so today it is! I still can't quite believe it.

I have to go into the hospital at 3:30pm where to begin with a CTG will be taken and an internal performed. If this all comes back ok I will have Cervadil implanted.
Normally an induction is performed with gels, however Cervadil is more effective on first time labours and can also be removed easier than the gels should the need arise. Such as if my body is contracting too often and I am not getting a risk, or if baby goes into distress.

To be honest as the hours move along and the time gets closer, I am getting very scared...

It is well know that giving birth by induction is not a pleasant labour at all, this scares me and also the fact that baby could go into distress, however I will be constantly monitored so if this happens, immediate action can be taken.

Due to me being less than 40 weeks there is also a higher chance that the induction will fail...

I keep telling myself that the doctors would not be booking me in to be induced if it wasn't necessary for both mine and babies health, and for those reasons I am happy to do whatever it takes to safely deliver our baby into this world.

I tend to think that if the induction isn't successful I will be likely to have a caeserean, trying not to get to ahead of myself but with my blood pressure I can't see them sending me home for a few days and trying again then, I guess I will just have to take things one step at a time and try not to think to far ahead, just deal with whatever is put in front of me at the time.

I am also trying not to read too many horror stories, it is just freaking me out even more.
If I go into that hospital thinking about all the horrible stories out there, I am setting myself up for a horrible experience.

I am just thinking that the pain will not go on forever however the gain will...
At the end I am going to have our beautiful baby in my arms, and that is all that matters to me.

Another Day, Another Doctor

As predicted yesterday brought about a different doctor on duty, with yet another set of ideas.

My blood pressure was still continuing to rise, which in itself I thought would be a cause for concern seeing I am now on medication for my blood pressure. He didn't seem to worried about this.

There was a fantastic midwife on duty, she was just lovely.
She took the time to explain the CTG monitoring and the graphs that this produces, I now have a much greater understanding on the reasons behind CTG monitoring and what they look for etc.
Bubs was of course absolutely perfect, doing all the right things. The midwife, Kathy her name was, photocopied the trace and gave me a copy to keep for my records/keepsake. I thought this was just lovely, not necessary of her, but something I am really happy to have for bubs records.

I am currently doing a 24 hour urine collection, which finishes at 11:40am today. I then have to take that into the hospital and also have my blood pressure checked.
If my bp is in the vicinity that it has been in, I will be allowed to go home, if it has risen at all I will be kept in for monitoring.

Then it's back to the hospital tomorrow for my antenatal appointment and goodness knows what that may bring! I am finding it increasingly frustrating seeing different doctors.
On Monday I was told they are aiming to get me to 37 weeks, however the doctor yesterday implied that he would be happy for me to continue on to term, grrr I wish they would stick with one plan.

More than anything I just want my baby here safe and sound in my arms.

36 weeks today, so in a maximum of 4 weeks, our baby will be here, our little family will be complete, so exciting!!!

Belly Bump

Feeling a little better, I really need to learn to have more trust in my body. I need to trust that the best place for my baby is continuing to grow in the womb, I am just so scared that my body is going to let me down at this late stage.

Thought I would come back and post my belly pic from just over a week ago.

This is how I looked last Sunday at 34w 3d.

And this is a really bad picture of Bub's cradle, I shall return soon with better pics, I just love it though.

Excuse the bleach bottle on the floor, waiting to go out to the recyclin bin, however the cat pinched it out the recycling basket to play with!

Pre-Eclempsia

Well as of today I have pre-eclempsia... Lucky Me.

On Friday when I had my routine antinatal appointment my blood pressure was high *what a surprise* so I was sent off for a 'day stay' at the Womens Assessment Clinic.
They discharged me on Friday afternoon and asked me to come back today for more monitoring and P/E testing.

When I went back today I had the CTG monitoring, which showed that bubs is quite happy in there, phew.

I had a couple of worrying moments when bubs h/b dropped down to 109, however the midwife assured me that as long as it jumped right back up, which it did, that everything was ok.

Usually my first blood pressure reading is high, and then slowly comes down with subsequent readings.
However today it stayed elevated, I am assuming that my blood and urine tests also came back positive for pre-eclempsia as the doctor advised me I now have pre-eclempsia.

I have also started on medication to try and stabilise my blood pressure. At this stage they are hoping to get me to 37 weeks, however I have to continue to go to the hospital every 2 days for 'day stays'. I am trying really hard to not let this get me down, however so far I am not winning that battle.

I am so glad that the hospital is being so cautious, and I know there are many people out there much worse off than me, however I can't help but be sad.
I didn't see my pregnancy going this way, and I don't really want to be induced, however like I have said previously I will do ANYTHING to ensure that I bring a healthy, happy baby into this world, that is the single most important thing to me.

I also had a quick scan today to make sure that everything is ok with baby, it really irks me that the sonographers and the doctors don't give anything away.
I want to know everything, the measurements, every little detail, but they only tell me that baby is fine and weighs 6p 1,oz.
I am glad that baby is fine, but I really do want to know everything

So this week consists of Assesment clinic 'day stays' on both Wednesday and Friday, and I guess we will take it from there depending what my blood pressure is doing.

The one thing I don't like about being a public patient is that you pretty well see a different doctor each time, there is no continuity of care.
Sure each doctor has your case notes, but it would be so nice to see a familiar face each time, rather than someone different all the time.

I am being a real negative Nelly today, so I am going to go now and return when I am in a better mood and not feeling so sorry for myself.