Over the weekend I noticed that bubs wasn't as active as usual, I just tried to tell myself that as it was the weekend and we were quite busy and active that I probably just wasn't taking as much notice of bubs movements.
Today bubs has been quiet again and so this morning I decided to phone the hospital, the guy I spoke with was really nice and he suggested that I come in so that we could listen to bubs heartbeat, even if just for reassurance.
On a Tuesday I finish work early to go into uni for lectures and tutes, they have finisihed for the semester however I am still finishing early for the next couple of weeks so that I can come home and study for exams.
So today when I finished work I drove down to the hospital and went to the birthing and assesment unit, the lady there used the dopplear to listen to bubs heartbeat, it was beating away nicely and all appears to be normal.
She made me feel a little silly for coming in and told me that babies have quiet days which I am well aware of however the midwife had suggested that I come in and I am glad that I did for my reassurance, I would much rather feel a little silly and like I overreacted a little than be sitting at home stressing over lack of movements.
So all appears to be good with bubs, thank goodness.
However my blood pressure is still up... not quite sure what to make of that, we will see how it is when I see my doctor next Thursday.
Friday this week will not be a happy occasion for me, I do not look forward to Friday like i normallly would. This Friday June 13th is my due date.... this Friday June 13th we should be holding our angel in our arms not sitting here in tears because all I have is precious few memories of the sheer joy of finding out we were to be expecting our first child.
I am incredibly blessed to be pregnant now with a baby that we love more than words I can find to describe it, however it does not stop me from feeling guttered that we we will never get to nurse, cuddle, love and nurture the baby that was taken away from us.
So my little angel floating in the clouds Mummy loves you very, very much and I am very sorry that you can't be here on earth with us, I feel very blessed to have been graced with your presence for the short time that I was.
I am not an overly superstitious person however I will not think of Friday the 13th's he same anymore.
Bettter go, screeen is looking a little foggy.
Me and my Princess
Lily Lorraine... The light of my life
About Me
- Jess
- Welcome to the journey that is my life. I am the proud new Mum to our precious daughter Lily Lorraine.
2 comments:
May our angels play together knowing their mummy's love them and miss them.
It's hard isn't it ~ I remember feeling incredible guilt for loving Tasmin so much when I should have been giving birth too my angel ~ truth is I love them both.
Always and forever special ~ love and peace too you and Cameron especially tomorrow.
Thankyou so much for your lovely comment Andrea, it brought more tears to my eyes.
Yes it is hard being torn between the two emotions, I guess we can take comfort in the fact that we loved these angels as much as possible for the short time they were with us.
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