Friday The 13th

Enjoy your life today, because yesterday has passed and tomorrow may never come…

Well the day has come, and quite quickly might I add.

Today Cameron and I should be cradling our newborn son or daughter, sharing this amazing time with our families and just idolising our first child.

Unfortunately for some unknown reason this was not meant to be, I am quite at peace with the situation, don’t get me wrong I would do anything to change it, however there are plenty of people out there much worse off than me.

I am so blessed to be pregnant again with a happy healthy baby and each day I am so very thankful for this.

After miscarrying our baby I guess I now have a better understanding and empathy for these awful things that we have to endure sometimes on the path to where we are going.
In some ways I feel guilty for being upset over a miscarriage when there are others out there who have suffered much worse, stillbirths, having to terminate a pregnancy further into the pregnancy due to abnormalities, what I have gone through does not compare to these however I also feel I am allowed to be sad for our experience.

Now when I see someone solemnly walking down the street, when someone gets grumpy and pushes past me or someone just looking down right down, I try not to judge as you just don’t know what battle these people are fighting.
Sometimes I see people look at me with envy or pain when they see I am pregnant I now know that perhaps they have suffered a miscarriage, perhaps they are infertile, perhaps they are having trouble conceiving or perhaps their partners don’t want children.
For this reason I just softly smile at these people because I feel terrible for whatever battle they may be fighting, and I feel incredibly lucky for the position that I am in.

So today I shed a tear for our angel baby playing up there in the clouds and ask that you please realise just how much we love and miss you and wish that things could be different.

And today I feel even more lucky to be me, to be in the position that I am, to be carrying our baby and I so look forward to the day when we meet our baby I cant wait to cradle you in my arms, smell your sweet skin and shower you with love and adoration.

Every cloud has a silver lining.