We had a lovely day yesterday down at the beach, Cameron’s parents have an apartment down there for the week, even though work is to busy for me to have any time off it was lovely to escape reality for the day.
I will add a few pics in this post, the one of me is me collecting rocks for my garden pots at home, I have heaps! I love pot plants, I know it is probably a bit cheeky taking them but there was so many rocks on this particular part of the beach I am sure they won’t miss 50 or so of them.
Poor Cameron having to carry the bag back to the car it was very heavy! I thought the bottom was going to fall out!
Now, a bit about the situation I have been trying to avoid…..
It would appear that I am pregnant, well I assume I am pregnant, I think about 5 ½ weeks along, although i’m not to sure of when I ovulated.
I have had 2 positive tests, although the second one was lighter so after that I decided not to test anymore, that was a week ago.
I have booked into the doctors for Thursday evening after work, I think my doctor will want to give me an early scan, which I am happy about.
I guess before then I should take another test and see what the result is.
Now reading this back, it all sounds like I am very calm, don’t be fooled, I am freaking out here, it is the most mixed amount of emotions, but strangely I am not excited at all, is this my conscience already preparing me for the result, another miscarriage?
Or is it me being completely paranoid, and this is the argument I have with myself all day every day!
I have not allowed myself to be excited for any more than 5 minutes at a time, I am just so damn scared of what is going to happen.
This is SUPPOSED to be the most amazing, exciting time of my life, not the most petrifying.
I even allowed myself to think yesterday when I stole 5 minutes to myself walking on the beach, if this isn’t a successful pregnancy, is it gods way of trying to tell me that I am not supposed to be a parent?
I know that sounds crazy but at the moment there are so many thoughts running through my head I am exhausted, I don’t know what side of my brain to side with.
Some people may think that I should have gone to the doctors already, the way I see it if I am pregnant it is early days, there is nothing that the doctors can do it is not like I am 20 weeks.
I am still doing everything a pregnant woman should be doing, eating well, moderate exercise, drinking lots of water, taking pregnancy vitamins, relaxing (he he we both know that’s a lie) so when I do go to the doctors I am only going to be that bit further along, which is good, or I will have begun to miscarry, in which I will be there for a totally different reason.
I realise that I am babbling now so I am going to leave it there and post some pics from yesterday, mostly from sun down.
I will add a few pics in this post, the one of me is me collecting rocks for my garden pots at home, I have heaps! I love pot plants, I know it is probably a bit cheeky taking them but there was so many rocks on this particular part of the beach I am sure they won’t miss 50 or so of them.
Poor Cameron having to carry the bag back to the car it was very heavy! I thought the bottom was going to fall out!
Now, a bit about the situation I have been trying to avoid…..
It would appear that I am pregnant, well I assume I am pregnant, I think about 5 ½ weeks along, although i’m not to sure of when I ovulated.
I have had 2 positive tests, although the second one was lighter so after that I decided not to test anymore, that was a week ago.
I have booked into the doctors for Thursday evening after work, I think my doctor will want to give me an early scan, which I am happy about.
I guess before then I should take another test and see what the result is.
Now reading this back, it all sounds like I am very calm, don’t be fooled, I am freaking out here, it is the most mixed amount of emotions, but strangely I am not excited at all, is this my conscience already preparing me for the result, another miscarriage?
Or is it me being completely paranoid, and this is the argument I have with myself all day every day!
I have not allowed myself to be excited for any more than 5 minutes at a time, I am just so damn scared of what is going to happen.
This is SUPPOSED to be the most amazing, exciting time of my life, not the most petrifying.
I even allowed myself to think yesterday when I stole 5 minutes to myself walking on the beach, if this isn’t a successful pregnancy, is it gods way of trying to tell me that I am not supposed to be a parent?
I know that sounds crazy but at the moment there are so many thoughts running through my head I am exhausted, I don’t know what side of my brain to side with.
Some people may think that I should have gone to the doctors already, the way I see it if I am pregnant it is early days, there is nothing that the doctors can do it is not like I am 20 weeks.
I am still doing everything a pregnant woman should be doing, eating well, moderate exercise, drinking lots of water, taking pregnancy vitamins, relaxing (he he we both know that’s a lie) so when I do go to the doctors I am only going to be that bit further along, which is good, or I will have begun to miscarry, in which I will be there for a totally different reason.
I realise that I am babbling now so I am going to leave it there and post some pics from yesterday, mostly from sun down.
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