Pieces Of Me

I really just want to know if this pregnancy is viable or not….

I realise that even if it is and there is a heartbeat that there is still a long road ahead, however I will be over the first speed bump and that would give me a bit of confidence.

I have been thinking that if this pregnancy does not last and I do indeed miscarry, I may even stop TTC.
I say this now but it is something that I really don’t want to do, I want to be pregnant and have a baby, more than I want anything else.

I was thinking perhaps we would wait a couple of years until I had finished uni and then we could probably set ourselves up even better financially and probably even buy an investment property.

Or we could buy a block of land and build a home (something I would love to do) we could then rent our house we are in now out and live in the new house, this is all very loose planning but I know that more than any of this I want to have a baby.

I walk past our spare room which will become the nursery, I glance in there at the nice furniture, but I know that is not what I want to be in there.

I want it to be our childs nursery not a spare room.

We were going to pull up some of our lawn out the back and pave it so as to save on maintenance and water in the drought, but we decided against this as I want our children to be able to play out the back on the lawn, take their first tumble off their bike on the soft lawn rather than the hard pavers.

Everything in our lives has been planned around having a child, I was going to buy a nice new little car for me to drive to work and it would be nice and easy to park in the city for uni, but again we decided against it as it wouldn’t be big enough for baby, pram, shopping etc. Our bigger car also would provide more safety if we were to god forbid have an accident.

This is what we both want and have both been planning for.
I think I am thinking of other things we could do to lessen the pressure on myself a bit.

And I do know that I am so blessed in many other areas of my life, I have lots to be thankful for, but it doesn’t stop the yearning.

For the second time today I am babbling so I shall leave it there.