Lily's Seizures and First Breastfeed

There are so many events and moments that I want to blog about, but it may take me a little while to catch back up.

Firstly I will write about my first breastfeed.

On Monday the 22nd of September when Lily was one day old at about 11:00pm Lily had some 'jerky movement' that the midwife on duty thought was a seizure. I awoke at about 11:30pm and phoned the nursery to see how Lily was, when the midwife told me about this of course the last thing I could do was get back to sleep. So I walked around to the nursery to see Lily and speak to the midwife some more.

When I got to the nursery Lily was on her stomach and very puffy. This was because she was not weeing and her body was retaining all of the fluid since birth and plus the couple of tube and cup feeds that she had had.

The midwife and I were standing next to her humidicrib and the midwife had her hand on Lily's bottom, we both witnessed another seizure, Lily's whole body was jerking up and down and did not stop when a hand was placed on her, this is how they determine if it is a seizure or not. If the movement stops when you touch her it is not a seizure.

The doctor on duty came straight away and examined Lily, she was given a dose of Fenabarb (sp) and was to be closely monitored for any more episodes.

By this point everything in the preceeding 2 days just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I sat next to Lily's crib with the glass seperating us and I howled and howled, I was inconsolable.
Until then I had not shed a single tear so I had a lot built up and it all hit me at once.

Cameron had gone home and was going to go to work on the Tuesday but I phoned him at about 2:00am and asked him to come in. The midwife phoned the ward and asked if Cameron could spend the night with me (which generally they are not) due to the circumstances he was allowed to and also spent the next night aswel.

We headed back to my room at about 4:00am and again I just cried and cried, it had all become too much for me, I hated being seperated from Lily and hearing the other babies on the ward cry and I was naturally beside myself with worry and guilt for what Lily was going through.

The thing that concerned me the most about the seizures was that if it was not for the midwife or me standing right there, they would have gone un-noticed as nothing changed on the monitors, her heartrate, oxygen levels, respiratory rate, nothing changed.
Of course I then did not want her left alone for a second as I was terrified she would have another seizure and it would have been missed.

My Mum and Nana came in the morning and sat with Lily while Cameron and I went and had a sleep in my room, by this time I think I had had 3 hours sleep since I was admitted on the Saturday afternoon.

Lily was booked in to have a cranio ultrasound at 4:00pm, of course it had to be at the end of the day.

This brings me to the feeding part of my entry.

Nana came and woke me a couple of hours later as Lily was to have her first breastfeed.

I was very nervous, excited, anxious and exhausted all at once. Lily was put to the breast and had a couple of sucks, but the midwifes had trouble getting her to attach as she was so sleepy and couldn't open her mouth wide enough, they were also quite rough and not very patient.

It was then decided that the shield would be tried, this worked and Lily had her first feed, from what I remember it did not last very long.

I don't really remember much about the feed, however I then had to go back to my room to have my dinner, and I clearly remember walking back to my room with Cameron and saying that that was the best feeling ever, I can recall the huge smile that I was wearing, I loved the feeling of feeding Lily, that was the first time that I actually felt close to her, the first skin to skin (well shield anyway) contact that we had, mother and daughter.

After I had my dinner, we returned to the nursery to see Lily and get the results from her ultrasound. The midwife walked over to me as I was washing my hands as I entered the nursery. She told me that Lily was very well behaved and her ultrasound all looked normal, they were still awaiting the official report but nothing nasty was detected.
The sheer relief I felt was amazing, I honestly felt the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I literally floated across the nursery to Lily's crib.

I am still emotionally recovering from the birth and everything that happened in the first week, and writing this entry brings a whole swag of emotions back, good and bad, writing is therapy though and I want to get it all out and have it there for me to look back at, and also for Lily to read.