Lily Lorraine

At 7:49pm on Sunday the 21st of September, our lives were forever enriched by the arrival of our precious first born daughter, Lily Lorraine.

Lily Lorraine

Born at 7:49pm Sunday September 21st

Weighing 2965grams or 6pd 5oz

Length 49.5cms Head circumference 34.5cms

Unfortunately there were no precious first cuddles, that wasn't to come until the next day, Lily was placed on my chest momentarily while the cord was cut and then she was whisked away to the resus table where she was placed on oxygen.

To begin with we didn't even know whether Lily was a little girl or boy.

It is lucky that I had an epidural and was hardly with it, I was beside myself in my drugged state, I can only begin to imagine how hysterical I would have been had I not had the epidural and was completely with it when Lily made her forced entry into the world.

I now vow and declare that I will never be induced ever again, I am wracked with guilt everyday for the horrible start to life that Lily endured.
She clearly wasn't ready to enter the world, otherwise I would have gone into spontaneous labour. Being induced as I have mentioned in a prior entry is effectively forcing your body and more so your baby into doing something that neither is ready to do.

I naively thought that it would have been better for me and my baby for me to be induced, however just now do I know how wrong I was.

Each time I look at Lily I see the two matching bruises on her tiny little hands from the drips that she was on and it cuts me up each time.
To see everything that Lily went through in those first few days of her life, I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for that.

I didn't trust my body, I thought I could nurture and protect my baby more if they were here with me in my arms, how wrong I was, I have never felt more powerless or out of control in my life.

I feel indescribably blessed that Lily is such a little fighter and has bounced back so well.

To be able to walk out of the SCN on Friday with our baby girl in our arms and finally take her home, I can't think of the words to describe the feeling I felt.

I had not been home since I was admitted on Saturday afternoon to be induced. I had not spent more than 10 minutes in daylight, I felt like I was wagging school or doing something wrong when we were driving home on Friday.

It was such a weird feeling, I felt like I wasn't part of everyday life, for 5 days previous I had spent next to Lily's crib in the nursery sitting, admiring, and drinking in our baby girl through the windows of her crib.

I felt so out of touch with the world, I had not listened to the radio, seen or heard any news or even been in a car in that time.

It is so nice to be home, we are very lucky that Lily is such a contented, happy little baby, she pretty well settles straight after a feed and goes back to sleep.

Nights are a bit shaky but that is to be expected.

I am feeling a little down today as we had the home midwives visit today and Lily has lost a considirable amount of weight, I was quite shocked as from Friday to Sunday she had put on 237grams and was then above her birth weight.

It looks as though it was the angle of which I have been feeding. Lily was laying with her chin tucked down which as you can imagine would make it very difficult to swallow.

Since the midwife showed me a different technique to use to feed her, I can really notice a difference in her sucking and swallowing, so now I am just praying that the scales reflect this tomorrow.

I wonder if it will also make her more settled at night if she is feeling full, I imagine it would. I guess time will tell.

Well I best be off to get dinner ready.

I hope to be back each day as there is so much I want to record before it is wiped from my memory, I will keep jotting down notes as I remember things so as to jog my memory.